I want to share my full experience with all of you because many girls go down this dark path without even realizing it until it’s too late.
My initial goal, was to lose about 20lbs, but when I noticed the big change in my body, I wanted to lose 10lbs more pounds, then another 10lbs, and before you know it I was getting closer to 100lbs and looking quite unhealthy.
Was I leading myself to a eating disorder?
I was still eating whole foods, and continued to work out everyday. But as time went on, my meal portions became smaller and I doubled my cardio time.
It was my father who noticed first. He watched my eating habits for a couple of days and approached my brother. My brother asked me directly “Nabeelah, are you anorexic?”
I wasn’t throwing up, or starving myself. So, to insinuate that I looked like I had an eating disorder offended me. I was once told I was gaining too much weight and now being told I was getting too skinny really angered me.
But the truth is, I was becoming obsessed. I enjoyed seeing my jaw become more defined and was excited when I my cheek and collar bones began to show.
I was also obsessed with the numbers on the scale – I wanted to see them go down everyday. If I didn’t see a change, my portions became even smaller and there were days I worked out 2 hours in the morning and another 2 before I went to sleep.
Eating disorders comes in different forms. Our idea of eating disorders are usually anorexia or bulimia, but inadequate food intake and obsession with losing weight are a major issue that can lead up to such disorders. It was no question I was experiencing a body dysmorphia disorder, because no matter how much weight I lost I still saw the large girl looking back at me in the mirror.
Luckily my family stopped me from continuing what I was doing earlier on. With support of my family, I began eating healthier and working out more reasonably. I realized the lower the number on the scale did not mean I was going to achieve my goals and be happy about it. I only wanted more and was doing more harm to myself then good.
This time around, when a couple of aunties made a mention of my weight gain at a dinner party, I totally brushed it off.
I realized the difference between then and now, truly wasn’t about my weight, or how thin I got, but, buy my overall confidence and self respect.
I’m really happy to start weight loss again, and this time more aware of my mental health as well.
If you ever feel that you need help or want more information on this subject, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre at 416 340 4156 or send them a message by clicking here.
So please, be aware of how far you push yourself and remember to treat you mind and body with love and respect before leading your journey.